Q&A

Over the course of our adoption journey we have many questions asked.  We love hearing from you and I thought it would be good to compile some of the most common questions and post it here.

It's very important to understand the Chinese culture in order to get a glimpse into Annabelle and what she is experiencing.  Their way of life is completely different than what we are use to here.  

Did you get to meet her birth parents?

In China, it is illegal to give a child up for adoption.  That means every child that is an orphan was abandoned.  There are some families that hire private detectives to find the birth parents but that is a slippery slop because if the birth parents were discovered they could go to jail.  Parents who adopt from China receive medical history starting from the time they came into custody. 

There are many reasons for Chinese parents to abandon their child.  We may never know the intent behind it but what we do know for sure is there was pain behind that decision.  Most children that come into the orphanage will have a medical need.  China is still a communist country and there are many families that simply cannot care for their child.  If they choose to abandon their child, it could mean saving their life.  Can you imagine having to make that decision? 

There are so many wonderful agencies and organizations that help fund the orphanages and hospitals in China.  It does warm my heart to know that there are people who understand this cultural issue and are helping out these precious children.

We do know a little about Annabelle's history but out of respect for her we are keeping her story private.

Does Annabelle have any medical issues?

When she was 12 months old she had to have open heart surgery.  She was diagnosed with CHD and ventricular septal defect.  When we received her medical file we had our pediatrician and a pediatric cardiologist look over everything.  We were told the surgery was a success and no further treatment is needed.  We do have an appointment next week with the cardiologist to learn more about what surgery she had and to have Annabelle examined to give us peace of mind.   She does have a scar and we are very proud of it because it matches the one Pawpaw had.

How is Annabelle doing developmentally?

Considering the cultural differences, language barrier and attachment she is doing fantastic.  For those of you in the adoption process or thinking of adopting I cannot tell you how important it is to get training.  The China program requires it before you can adopt.  Dr. Purvis changed our lives and if there is a seminar near you stop everything you're doing and GO! 

Emotionally we are dealing with an infant.  We have to start from scratch for her to learn about family, life and love.  She is obviously a 3 year old behaviorally so it is challenging.  You cannot go through the bonding process disciplining and trying to get her up to a 3 year old level developmentally.  It's important to share with you so you can also set up the expectation of not holding her to that standard. 

Another piece of the puzzle is what we mentioned above. She had surgery at 12 months old and that also took into play with her development. 

The great news is that she is with her family now and her muscle stregnth is building every single day.  She is running, climbing, discovering and exploring everything.  It took her about a week and a half to really feel comfortable in our home and now she is having a ball.  It is VERY important to let her do these things on her own right now.  She does not know what it is like to have choices and during this phase of her attachment we are encouraging her to explore within boundaries.

Is she potty trained?

Yes and No....the above question helps explain this portion.  She was potty trained at the orphanage but the Chinese use squatty potties which is essentially just a hole in the ground. (see post from Beijing for a picture) She started using the potty in China just sitting on it.  Now, she points to the potty and asks to go.  She has only gone a few times but we are not pushing her.  It is on her time table when she is ready and comfortable.  No pressure just fun and happy times with the "western" potty.

How are the boys doing with her?

The boys first and foremost adore their new sister.  With that being said, they are children and are dealing with jealousy.  They have said she thinks she is the queen and that we let her get away with too much.  We are having to reassure them of our love for them and that this is only temporary during her transition.  When we are out in public they are very proud to show off their new sister.  At home, they will play with her on occasion and sometimes they want their space. We are respecting that and are fitting in "one on one" time with both Jonah and Hudson.  The emotions they are feeling are natural to any child receiving a new sibling which warms my heart.

Does she have a favorite toy?

This goes back to understanding the Chinese culture.  They are not big on stuffed animals and attachment that way in the orphanage.  She did not have any one particular item that "belonged" to her.  Everything was shared with the masses.  She is slowly starting to understand that her Mulan doll is hers and the "girly" room is hers.  I still feel like she looks at it as just a fun room.  Through attachment, she will slowly learn about what it means to have something belong to her.  Same goes for her family.  She doesn't understand the concept that we are her parents. She doesn't know what a parent means.  Through repetition, grace and love she is learning these things.  We are born with these desires but coming from a place of pain and grief erases that.  This reiterates why it's important to start with her as if she were an infant to show her these things.


Is she on a bottle?

Rewind back to understanding the Chinese culture.  The bottle isn't used as a method of bonding/soothing.  It is simply used as a way to feed the masses.  When Jeremy toured the orphanage, he got to see how they made the formula and mixed the thick rice in with it.  It is the most efficient way to feed these children. 

When we got Annabelle, her nanny told us the name brand formula she was on so we went to the store to get it.  When I tried giving her the bottle she didn't know how to drink from it.  The first night she got dehydrated and I put a pedialite packet with bottle water in her sippy cup.  It literally took her an hour to drink it.  I did face time with my good friend Jennifer who has been through this experience twice asking for help. She said in the orphanage they cut open a huge hole so the children drink it quick.  We cut open the opening for the nipple on the bottle and gave it to Annabelle.  She guzzled it in less than 30 seconds! 

We used the bottle as a bonding tool to hold her and cuddle at the beginning.  Now that we're home we put Pediasure in her bottle as a means to get the vitamins and nutrition into her little body.  She was never given water (for good reasons!) and when we would give her bottle water in a sippy cup in China she would make a sour face. Now, she is getting use to water and likes to drink out of a straw.  She does like to try and drink out of a cup too.  Anything she wants to experiment with we encourage and make it like a game.

We've learned that children understand better when these simple tasks are made into a game.  Nap time, eating, brushing her teeth, etc. is all fun!  I usually have a cheesy song to go along with each task.

How are we doing?

We have mostly great days.  Now that we are finding our routine and she is comfortable with her surroundings, it makes our family life easier.  The beginning was very hard and we still have days where she struggles emotionally.  I'm hearing that is not just an adoption thing but a little girl thing too HA!  Adoption is tough because you are picking up the broken pieces and creating something beautiful from the pain.  Grace, love and prayers help get us to that goal.  When I said we need y'all now more than ever that rings so true.  We have built amazing relationships with people in the adoption community that we now call family.  Talking to them on the phone, sharing experiences, and encouraging each other has helped immensely.  It's amazing how God intentionally places people in your life using the Holy Spirit to give them the words and wisdom to share. 


Thank you all for caring and being a part of our family through this adoption journey.  Some of you tell us she is so lucky....I don't see it that way.  WE are the lucky ones.  This precious soul fits into our family beautifully. We are honored to be her family and help her transform into the beautiful human being that she is.   I hope this answers a lot of your questions and gives you a glimpse about the adoption journey.  It's so important to understand so you can be the best support for her and our family.  We're honored to have you be a part. 

2 weeks being HOME

I have to brag.....on YOU!  From the very beginning of this journey we have been immensely blessed by all your encouragement and support.  It's amazing to hear from each of you through text, facebook and calling.  You have all given Annabelle her space and respected the time she needs to find out what an incredible creation she is.  She does well with short visits so please feel free to text/call if you would like to come by and see her.

During the week, we have been keeping ourselves home most of the time.  We may venture out to the store or to Taco Bell for dinner....yes I'm slowly starting to cook.  Mona Jimerson hooked us up with some AMAZING frozen meals that have kept us going. THANK YOU!

We made it through 2 church services and everyone at Alpine has been incredible towards her.  She gives out a lot of 'high fives' and is observing how much her church family loves her.  I PROMISE once we get her acclimated we will be visiting our family at South Main soon!!

Part of being on this journey is sharing.  I feel it's important to share with you some of the hard times and the good times.  We have days where we take two HUGE steps forward and we have days where we take a small step back.  We are making progress and I can say considering everything she is doings very very well.  The attachment boundaries and prayers are helping her find security.  We are seeing her over time discover this beautiful human being that has been inside her this whole time.  She is learning how to be independent and love the skin she's in.  The hard days are when she does not want any boundaries and grieves what she has "lost".  Even thought we all know how much better our current circumstances are, she still sometimes sees it as we took her away from everything she knew....food, clothes, atmosphere, people, language etc.  The grieving time is becoming fewer and fewer and we realize this will be something she will always have as part of who she is.  We are very proud to have a daughter from China and she will grow up hearing that from us.  I wouldn't change a hair on her head and am SO very glad she was put on this Earth.  We know she is a perfect peace to our family puzzle.

What we're learning about our girl:
She is a girly girl (YAY!!!!!!!!)
She LOVES having her hair done
She let me flat iron her hair and would have me do it all day
She LOVES to brush her teeth (combined with her mommy singing a corny song)
She loves to pick out her bows
She loves to pick out glittery shirts
She's finding an obsession with shoes (oh dear)
Taking a bath is still the highlight of her day
Her favorite food is any kind of fruit.  Thank goodness for the Magic Bullet where we can mix fresh fruit!
She loves to sing!
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is her favorite and she can sing about half of it in English now
She understands a LOT more English than she has led us to believe.....
Which brings me to she is incredibly smart and has already learned how to get her way
Her brothers called her a diva (I said YES of course she's my daughter!)
She adores her brothers and follows them around the house
She loves Satchey as long as she stays in the front room with the baby gate
She does NOT care about the tv
She is getting a LOT more mobile in her walking, bending and climbing.

****This post is dedicated to Phyllis Ashby for her Annabelle fix ;)

Annabelle's first church service

Today we took Annabelle to worship and fellowship with our family at Alpine. This day has been a long time coming. Just thinking that this will be the first time for my daughter to hear praise music to her heavenly father gave me butterflies. 

We were so excited to see everyone and share hugs, laughter and praise that our Annabelle was finally here.  Jeremy filled out our first membership card as a family of 5. Oh how I've waited for that sweet yet small confirmation that we are a family that is united in one place. 

I watched her face as she heard us sing as a church family for the first time. She was in awe...

The next song she decided to join in singing. I could hear her sweet voice of Chinese jibberish and repeating a few English in between. When we sang "This is holy ground. We're standing on holy ground. For the Lord is present and where He is Is holy" Tears swelled and I lost it...

This sweet baby came from a land where so many do not know of our Savior. She will not be one of those. Baby girl, we are humbled by experiencing your first worship together.

One week home!

I get scolded in China by the Chinese grandmas about how I don't dress Annabelle in 50 layers of clothes and in the states I get scolded by all my adoptive parents/grandparents about updating the blog.  I can say I'm SOOO grateful for my adoptive family that requests the updates over getting scolded in Chinese HAHA!

It's been a week since we've been home and I'm still enjoying the little things about home....seeing pastures, restaurant signs in English, being able to stay in the traffic lines while driving and not getting run over just to name a few!

Annabelle is really adjusting so well.  She's soaking in all the attention and it's amazing to see so many "new" things through her eyes.  Simple things like walking on grass for the first time...

She got to meet both of her great grandmothers!  Oh what an incredible memory...

She was really drawn to Uncle John.  She kept walking up to him asking to be held...

 And she went to Aunt Cheri...

Here is a picture of her Nana & Papa (and the rest of the crew) at the airport.  I love her Papa's sense of humor with the boys AND his wearing red for his new granbaby girl!

We are getting out to the store and eating out (I’m still not caught up to really cook) so she got to experience Taco Bell,Whataburger and McDonalds…

She discovered Dee Dee and Poppa’s house….

She discovered Mawmaw’s house and the rocking chair Pawpaw painted for her right before he passed away.  I was in tears watching her rock in that chair.  He was so proud of it and was looking forward to her enjoying it.   

Many people ask how she’s doing with her brothers.  I can tell you they both are so in love with her. Not that life is all roses when they’re playing but that is how they truly feel.  Jonah absolutely LOVES picking her up and Annabelle giggles every time he tries carrying her. Hudson is still not sure about giving up his “being the baby” status so we are spending extra time snuggling and reassuring him.  They are pretty far apart in play development and the obvious gender difference so sometimes play time can be hard.  The boys are finding ways to include her and play at her level. 

We met with her pediatrician yesterday. Have I mentioned lately how much I love the USA and our health care?  I know everyone has an opinion but I've seen the other side of the world.  I could kiss the ground of her pediatrician office and I don't care how many germs are there!  Her Dr (Dr. Michael Austin in Tyler, TX) has been with us on this journey from the beginning.  He helped us fill out our medical forms in 2013, he reviewed her medical files and he even answered my emails while we were in China.  He is our favorite!  When we had our visit yesterday and we got so much done!  She had her 6 shots (OUCH), blood work and a urine sample (not even going to go there to tell you that story...)  All the staff was so helpful and understanding in getting everything done in record time.  She screamed her head off each time we needed to get something done.  When we were in China she barely cried at that medical check up.  She has been trained to hold all emotions inside and not to have an opinion.  Her screaming was a huge relief to me because she was displaying signs of a normal child expressing her discomfort.  Twisted isn't it?  She has only been home for a week and she has learned that it is ok to cry when she hurts and that her mommy will be there to sing, hug, comfort and cry with her.  

We do have development delays and other medical referrals to deal with in the future.  Right now we are not going to actively seek any therapy until she is established at home to see what she really needs.  Also, for the medical issues we are just having her checked out but as far as we know there are no underlying issues that are alarming.  We do know that she had open heart surgery when she was 12 months old and she has a visible scar on her chest.  We were told she has CHD and if you ask me anything more past that I will have no idea how to answer what she has.  It was our understanding that whatever issue she had it was resolved by the surgery but we are still seeing a pediatric cardiologist for verification.

Today our social worker came over for our post adoption visit.  We were so glad to have her over and it was more confirmation that we are home and it's all over!  Many have asked what now....The adoption is final. It was final on January 20, 2015 in China.  We had to get paperwork etc. in order to get home so she could legally be a US Citizen.  In the next couple of years we will have to send reports back on her development and we will apply to get her a Texas birth certificate (YEE HAW!)  

We really are so thrilled to run into friends at the store or any time we are out and about.  We are welcoming visitors as long as you text/call me before you come to make sure she is not napping.  She still will sometimes go to complete strangers so we are working on telling her that she needs to stay with mommy or daddy.  We do not tell her "no" to strangers only redirect her to stay with us.  Once she understands that we are her safe haven we will lift that boundary where she can freely go to whomever she chooses.

Thank you all for understanding, supporting and encouraging us along the way.  I will say it one more time...we are SOO glad to be home and I will be keeping you all updated as time progresses :)

I want to leave you with this.....God created us for family.  I wanted you to see the visual difference of our baby girl before a family and just 5 days later.  The first picture is what they took on the day we got her.  The second picture is the one they took for her Visa....yes it is the same child but the second picture is 5 days having the love of a family....God is so good

Annabelle's Adjustment

We have known of our daughter since May 2014.  We've read her files, had therapists, doctors, dentist and anyone who was a specialist in adoption or medical field look at her history.  I can say she has completely blown us away with her adjustment and growth!  There are things we were pleasantly shocked at and other things we did not expect. 

May 2014

January 2015 (only 8 months later)

We have come to learn that now is the time to cocoon.  What that means is that we will have to be staying at home a lot for now.  She has been in the orphanage the majority of her life.  She does not know what a family is.  She does not know what a mom/dad and brothers are.  She does adore us but it has not really sunk in that we are a permanent family. 

I want to share with you these things because we need your help and support now more than ever.  Keeping her close to us and at home will teach her security and what family life is about. She needs to understand that we are her security and her support.  Her life was interrupted and the design and emotional foundation for a family was never instilled into her. 

Right now she will go to anyone because I am telling her everything is ok.  She does not meet a stranger.  This is not good with attachment.   

The good news is that she has a forever family and we can rebuild the attachment and help her heal from her hard past.

Here is what we need from you.  We are very open to short visits but right now we need to be the only ones to hold, touch, soothe and instruct her.  The longer she gets into her routine with us the more she will build this trust and find security.  We plan to still get out, go to the store, go to church and keep many things as normal as we can. 

What we ask of you is to please understand this TEMPORARY transition of not being held, touched, soothed or give any direction to her.  Once we are out of the cocooning stage she will have the ability to have healthy relationships outside of her family. 

Please continue to pray for us and feel free to ask any questions.  I love hearing from you and want to share if you want to know more about what we are going through.  Please feel free to come visit too! (just text me first to make sure she's not asleep) I definitely do not want to feel trapped at home.  As long as we keep our visits short and the physical boundaries we will be fine. 

I cannot tell you how much each of you means to us and how your support/encouragement have carried us through this journey.  We love you all

Here are some pictures of the first time she saw her room....

Coming Home!

January 28-January 29, 2015

Our last day in China was bitter sweet.  We bonded so tightly with the other families, so saying goodbye meant lots of tears.  

Here is Annabelle and Jackson.  They were both from Wuhan and bonded the two weeks we were there.  We will miss his squishy face!!

Here is Annabelle with her BFF Bonnie.  She was the first one other than us that Annabelle held her arms out to.  We will miss her!

Here are the 3 families (including us) that were in Wuhan together.  The bond we have with these families are so tight and we will always have this special life experience shared with each other.  I love them all deeply.

This girl right here was such a HUGE support to me during our trip in China.  Dorinda and I connected through facebook last spring and God made it clear we needed to travel together.  Our husbands claim we were separated at birth and I agree!  I will terribly miss seeing her every day.

We were very anxious to get home to our boys and family.  Our flight left at 1:15am Thursday morning.  We needed to check out of the hotel by 5pm and the shuttle did not come until 8:45pm Wednesday night.  After checking out we decided to make one last trip to Carre Four (their version of Walmart) to get a few last minute things and kill some time.  You can get to the store by taxi and we had a sheet of paper requesting our destination in Chinese for the cab driver as well as a business card of the hotel to get back.  When we were finished with our shopping we tried to get a taxi.  We waited 30 minutes and there wasn’t a single taxi that was available.  It was getting late and we started to panic about missing our flight.  So……we caved and took a rickshaw bike ride back.  Let me tell you….this guy must have designed video games with his spare time.  The tiny hairs on our face blew off and the hair on my head was standing straight by the time we got to the hotel.  The driver decided that any road rules did not apply to him at all.  He ran red lights, went the opposite direction on 1 ways and thought driving on the shoulder was a piece of cake.  I had wondered if he was showing off just to hear the silly Americans giggle like little girls in his buggy.  We both felt like this was a GREAT way to end our trip in China.  PS not recommending this for anyone for safety reasons of course….

We got to the airport at 9:30pm and our guide walked us around to find the ticket booth for Korean Air.  I cannot say enough wonderful things about our agency, Holt.  They think of all the details and make sure we are well taken care of.  Since it was not 3 hours before departure the ticket booth was not available.  He found out where we needed to wait and we chilled for about 30 minutes before getting our boarding pass.

Here is something we found while exploring the airport...

Once we got our passes, we had to clear China’s customs gate.  Oh how I wish I could have taken a picture!! There were policemen and signs saying NO photos.  Never did I feel so far out of place.  We were the only Americans out of several hundred people in line.  What a melting pot of the entire world!  It was very neat seeing so many different regions and races of people waiting in line.  When we got to the gate they take your picture and look at your passport to make sure that #1 the country you are entering will allow you to come and #2 the name matches across the board.  Once we cleared that a huge sense of relief came over us.

Annabelle slept maybe 45 minutes at the airport then stayed away until 3am China time!  She fell asleep for a few minutes on the flight to Seoul then about an hour during the 4 hour layover in the airport.  I slept a little in the chairs too.  When we got on the plane we were able to keep her awake until 8pm Texas time.  Our goal was to try and get her body adjusted to the new time zone since China was 14 hours ahead of where we were going.  She slept 6 hours on the plane to Houston until the flight attendants turned on the lights to serve our 2^nd meal.  After that meal she was able to go back to sleep for another 3 hours. 

Korean Air was absolutely amazing.  They let you spread out across several seats to get comfortable.  Luckily, our plane was only half full so we had 6 seats for the 3 of us.  Annabelle spelt across two while one of us would sit on the aisle seat next to her.  The other 3 seats we would take turns sleeping laying down.  By the time we landed in Houston her sleep schedule was on Texas time. SCORE!  We were very fortunate on this very long 15 hour flight!

When we got to the airport it was a huge feeling of peace.  We were HOME in the USA!  Never have I felt more proud to be an American and feel such honor for all the men/women who fight for our right to freedom.  I know now more than ever what a privilege that is.  You hear stories and I’ve always been proud but living in another country for 2 weeks that does not have that freedom will give you a new appreciation that is priceless. 

After we cleared customs….which was a BREEZE….I had to take Annabelle to the Immigration office.  In China, they gave us paperwork wrapped in plastic that is necessary to give Immigration in the USA.  We were under strict instructions NOT to touch the paperwork or open the seal.  Jeremy guarded it with his life in the backpack up until this point.  We were so nervous that something would happen to it because it would mean Annabelle not being able to enter the USA!  When the Immigration officer ripped off the plastic I seriously jumped!  He stamped a few things, filed some of the paperwork then said, “ok you’re good”  My heart stopped.  What?  You mean that’s it?  I’m good?  That’s it?  It’s over??  

Butterflies overtook my stomach and I leaped from my chair so we could go see our boys!  I sit here in tears thinking of what it felt like racing down that long hallway and seeing our boys jumping up and down.  It took every ounce of my body to not snort and sob like a complete crazy lady. 

Here's a link to the video on you tube:

http://youtu.be/JPBPfuezHtk

Next on the agenda….AMERICAN FOOD!!!!  Where else could we go but Cracker Barrel?  The food never tasted so good!  Annabelle ate mashed potatoes (her new favorite food thanks to KFC in China) and some yogurt.  Sitting at that table with our parents, aunts/uncle and my grandmother was one of the greatest moments to end our journey to Annabelle and begin the new journey of her life here.

US Consulate Appointment & The Pearl Rive Cruise

Yesterday we got up early, we had to leave the hotel at 7:40 AM, and went to the US Consulate to apply for Annabelle's visa. There is only one picture of us before leaving for our appointment for the US Consulate because we could not take a cellphone or a camera. We could only take ourselves, wallets, toys without batteries and any other small, limited number of things for our child.

Outside of the US Consulate was a mad house! There were hundreds of Chinese waiting to get in so they could get temporary visas to travel to the US. Our guides said it is like this every day, all day long. We were able to get past the crowd and take an entrance for adoptive parents. We had to go through security, then we took an oath as a group, then we submitted our paperwork and everything was finalized.

Between the US Consulate and our evening activity, Brooke and her friend Dorinda went on a shopping extravaganza with a local guide. But that is a blog post in it's own right and Brooke will post that later.

In the evening yesterday we went on a river boat cruise on the Pearl River. We had Papa John's pizza delivered to the ship and we ate on board. Then we cruised around the Pearl Rive for just over an hour.

Here are some pictures of the scenery from the cruise. The tall tower that is in different colors is a TV tower here in Guangzhou.

Today we will get Annabelle's visa and then we can travel. Late tonight we leave for the Guangzhou airport with our flight leaving at 1:15 AM (Thursday morning). We will arrive in the US (IAH in Houston) on Thursday morning at 7:50am. Yes, we are traveling back in time. 

It has been quite the journey here in China and we could not have done this without our excellent guides and the other families who we have spent our days with here. We will miss all of them.

See you soon.

- Jeremy