It's very important to understand the Chinese culture in order to get a glimpse into Annabelle and what she is experiencing. Their way of life is completely different than what we are use to here.
Did you get to meet her birth parents?
In China, it is illegal to give a child up for adoption. That means every child that is an orphan was abandoned. There are some families that hire private detectives to find the birth parents but that is a slippery slop because if the birth parents were discovered they could go to jail. Parents who adopt from China receive medical history starting from the time they came into custody.
There are many reasons for Chinese parents to abandon their child. We may never know the intent behind it but what we do know for sure is there was pain behind that decision. Most children that come into the orphanage will have a medical need. China is still a communist country and there are many families that simply cannot care for their child. If they choose to abandon their child, it could mean saving their life. Can you imagine having to make that decision?
There are so many wonderful agencies and organizations that help fund the orphanages and hospitals in China. It does warm my heart to know that there are people who understand this cultural issue and are helping out these precious children.
We do know a little about Annabelle's history but out of respect for her we are keeping her story private.
Does Annabelle have any medical issues?
When she was 12 months old she had to have open heart surgery. She was diagnosed with CHD and ventricular septal defect. When we received her medical file we had our pediatrician and a pediatric cardiologist look over everything. We were told the surgery was a success and no further treatment is needed. We do have an appointment next week with the cardiologist to learn more about what surgery she had and to have Annabelle examined to give us peace of mind. She does have a scar and we are very proud of it because it matches the one Pawpaw had.
How is Annabelle doing developmentally?
Considering the cultural differences, language barrier and attachment she is doing fantastic. For those of you in the adoption process or thinking of adopting I cannot tell you how important it is to get training. The China program requires it before you can adopt. Dr. Purvis changed our lives and if there is a seminar near you stop everything you're doing and GO!
Emotionally we are dealing with an infant. We have to start from scratch for her to learn about family, life and love. She is obviously a 3 year old behaviorally so it is challenging. You cannot go through the bonding process disciplining and trying to get her up to a 3 year old level developmentally. It's important to share with you so you can also set up the expectation of not holding her to that standard.
Another piece of the puzzle is what we mentioned above. She had surgery at 12 months old and that also took into play with her development.
The great news is that she is with her family now and her muscle stregnth is building every single day. She is running, climbing, discovering and exploring everything. It took her about a week and a half to really feel comfortable in our home and now she is having a ball. It is VERY important to let her do these things on her own right now. She does not know what it is like to have choices and during this phase of her attachment we are encouraging her to explore within boundaries.
Is she potty trained?
Yes and No....the above question helps explain this portion. She was potty trained at the orphanage but the Chinese use squatty potties which is essentially just a hole in the ground. (see post from Beijing for a picture) She started using the potty in China just sitting on it. Now, she points to the potty and asks to go. She has only gone a few times but we are not pushing her. It is on her time table when she is ready and comfortable. No pressure just fun and happy times with the "western" potty.
How are the boys doing with her?
The boys first and foremost adore their new sister. With that being said, they are children and are dealing with jealousy. They have said she thinks she is the queen and that we let her get away with too much. We are having to reassure them of our love for them and that this is only temporary during her transition. When we are out in public they are very proud to show off their new sister. At home, they will play with her on occasion and sometimes they want their space. We are respecting that and are fitting in "one on one" time with both Jonah and Hudson. The emotions they are feeling are natural to any child receiving a new sibling which warms my heart.
Does she have a favorite toy?
This goes back to understanding the Chinese culture. They are not big on stuffed animals and attachment that way in the orphanage. She did not have any one particular item that "belonged" to her. Everything was shared with the masses. She is slowly starting to understand that her Mulan doll is hers and the "girly" room is hers. I still feel like she looks at it as just a fun room. Through attachment, she will slowly learn about what it means to have something belong to her. Same goes for her family. She doesn't understand the concept that we are her parents. She doesn't know what a parent means. Through repetition, grace and love she is learning these things. We are born with these desires but coming from a place of pain and grief erases that. This reiterates why it's important to start with her as if she were an infant to show her these things.
Is she on a bottle?
Rewind back to understanding the Chinese culture. The bottle isn't used as a method of bonding/soothing. It is simply used as a way to feed the masses. When Jeremy toured the orphanage, he got to see how they made the formula and mixed the thick rice in with it. It is the most efficient way to feed these children.
When we got Annabelle, her nanny told us the name brand formula she was on so we went to the store to get it. When I tried giving her the bottle she didn't know how to drink from it. The first night she got dehydrated and I put a pedialite packet with bottle water in her sippy cup. It literally took her an hour to drink it. I did face time with my good friend Jennifer who has been through this experience twice asking for help. She said in the orphanage they cut open a huge hole so the children drink it quick. We cut open the opening for the nipple on the bottle and gave it to Annabelle. She guzzled it in less than 30 seconds!
We used the bottle as a bonding tool to hold her and cuddle at the beginning. Now that we're home we put Pediasure in her bottle as a means to get the vitamins and nutrition into her little body. She was never given water (for good reasons!) and when we would give her bottle water in a sippy cup in China she would make a sour face. Now, she is getting use to water and likes to drink out of a straw. She does like to try and drink out of a cup too. Anything she wants to experiment with we encourage and make it like a game.
We've learned that children understand better when these simple tasks are made into a game. Nap time, eating, brushing her teeth, etc. is all fun! I usually have a cheesy song to go along with each task.
How are we doing?
We have mostly great days. Now that we are finding our routine and she is comfortable with her surroundings, it makes our family life easier. The beginning was very hard and we still have days where she struggles emotionally. I'm hearing that is not just an adoption thing but a little girl thing too HA! Adoption is tough because you are picking up the broken pieces and creating something beautiful from the pain. Grace, love and prayers help get us to that goal. When I said we need y'all now more than ever that rings so true. We have built amazing relationships with people in the adoption community that we now call family. Talking to them on the phone, sharing experiences, and encouraging each other has helped immensely. It's amazing how God intentionally places people in your life using the Holy Spirit to give them the words and wisdom to share.
Thank you all for caring and being a part of our family through this adoption journey. Some of you tell us she is so lucky....I don't see it that way. WE are the lucky ones. This precious soul fits into our family beautifully. We are honored to be her family and help her transform into the beautiful human being that she is. I hope this answers a lot of your questions and gives you a glimpse about the adoption journey. It's so important to understand so you can be the best support for her and our family. We're honored to have you be a part.
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